At 9:45pm on the 11th December my waters broke, i was admitted to Hope Hospital and 4 days later on Wednesday 15th December at 8:48pm our beautiful baby girl Madison Emily Perry was born weighing 3Ib 6ozs, she was so tiny and pink. It was amazing to think that she had been growing and wriggling around in my tummy some hours earlier and now she was here. She was 2 months premature so she was placed in an incubator and taken to the Special Care Baby Unit where she spent that first night of her life in Intensive Care and the following day she was moved to High Dependancy. We were thrilled to see our baby girl and so proud. One of the nurses took a photo of Maddie, she was 15 minutes old on it! Our little Madam was here for all to see and just in time for christmas to keep all our family and friends on their toes!

Maddie spent about a week in an incubator she had a little bit of jaundice which soon cleared and before we knew it Maddie was transferred from the incubator to an open cot with a heated mattress. We were thrilled with how well she was doing. From the moment we were allowed, we attended to Maddie's cares which included things like: changing her nappy, giving her a wash, putting fresh clothes on her and feeding her which at the time was through a NGT tube. We wanted to be as involved with Madison's care as we could be. After a week in her open cot Maddie had no need for the heated mattress as she was holding her own temperture fine so she was given a normal baby mattress. Our Little Lady was coming on leaps and bounds. The nurses who looked after Maddie made sure that Father Christmas didn't forget to call at the Neonatal Unit during his rounds on christmas eve as Maddie was left a little Santa Sack with gifts and a card especially from Father Christmas to Madison!

By January Maddie was starting to establish bottle feeding i had tried her at the breast several times but due to how small she was it proved quite difficult so we made the decision to bottle feed i was expressing milk so that she was getting all my antibodies. On the 9th we were told Maddie had mrsa at the time we were led to believe it could of come from anyone or anywhere, she only had it on her skin (thankfully it hadn't entered her blood stream) we were also told Madison would be put in isolation (a room all to herself!) and we were only being told about the mrsa because at some point Maddie would need her operation and that's when it would become a problem. However just a few days after being given this news we saw some practices that concerned us, because Maddie had mrsa and was in isolation any nurse who was to come in the room was expected to wash their hands, wear a plastic apron and if handling Maddie wear plastic gloves, then when leaving the room was to wash their hands again. What concerned us whilst we were there one day was the nurse who was looking after Maddie failed to do any of the above things that were expected, she was touching the teat of Maddies bottle with her bare hands (we had a problem with the teat blocking) she didn't wash her hands upon entering or leaving the room, then she went on to care for 3 other babies! We were quite shocked and disgusted at what we'd seen as that showed us Maddie had got mrsa through dirty nursing practises (prior to Maddie getting mrsa there had been another baby who had it so we think that's how it was being passed about) We voiced our concerns about what we'd seen with a senior member of staff and manager of the ward, we were thanked for bringing it to their attention and they spoke to the nurse in question. The one good thing that came out of Maddie being in her own room is that we could spend hours each day in private bonding with our little girl. During the course of the month (13th) Maddie had to have an Echo Scan which was to check on how things with her heart were, she also had to have a Head Scan (17th) something all premature babies have to undergo, the results of the scan were all fine. On January 14th Madison had her first bath she absolutely loved it her eyes lit up! At that point we knew bathtime would be a wonderful experience for us as a family and even invested in some rubber ducks for the bath! Maddie grew and grew and each day got stronger, by the end of the month she weighed 5Ib 12ozs she was certainly piling the weight on which was so good to see. She was developing her own unique character. We were so proud.

At about 3pm on the 20th february the ambulance that had been booked to transfer Maddie finally arrived. I travelled in the ambulance with our little girl, Daddy followed in our car. We got to Alder Hey Childrens Hospital around 4ish and were taken to the ward where our stay was to begin. Maddie was due to undergo her operation the next day (21st) However during the time we were booking Maddie in, getting her settled, clean and fed we started to wonder if the hospital had any idea about Madison's mrsa as Maddie hadn't been isolated and there had been no talk of it. With this in mind Nick asked the staff nurse were they aware of this, to our amazement they weren't! Straight away Maddie was isolated and they said they would have to do swobs to determine as to whether Maddie still had it (3 clear swobs were needed and we were told they would rush the results through). We couldn't believe that no one from Pendlebury thought to inform them of the mrsa, such an important piece of information that wasn't passed on! We were introduced to a gentleman who explained the procedure that would be taking place the following day and i had to sign a consent form to allow surgery to go ahead. Once Maddie was settled in her own room (again!) we were showed to our accommodation Ronald Mcdonald House (which was within the hospital grounds) we were also given a tour of all the facilities that were available to us during our stay. We put our stuff in our room and went back over to the ward to be with Maddie, we spent several hours with her fed and changed her and made sure she was fast asleep before we headed back over to the accommodation. It took awhile for us to get to sleep as we were very anxious about what was ahead of us the next day, our little girl was going to have an operation!

We woke early that morning (21st) and rushed straight over to see our Little Lady who was awake and wanting her breakfast! We were told that it would be the last feed she would be able to have because of going for surgery, at that point they still didn't have a time that she would be going down they just said it would be after dinnertime. Maddie took all her food, had a good winding session then went back to sleep. We stayed there with her and had several visits from different people who wanted to take blood and wanted to take readings of her heart. Doctors were in and out asking questions. Swobs were done again to see if the mrsa was still present. All this activity made Maddie restless and she woke wanting food, as we were unable to let her have any we had to try other ways to try settle her. Maddie was finally allowed some water at about 1pm, which had to be fed to her down her Nasal gastric tube. When time pushed on to around 2:30pm and there was still no sign that Maddie would go for surgery I asked what the likeliness of her going that day would be as Maddie was becoming increasingly frustrated because she wanted feeding and her last milk feed had been at 8:30am. Were told it wouldn't be today and would probably go ahead tomorrow! All that waiting around and worry to then be told 'maybe tomorrow'! There excuse for the postponement was no ICU bed available but we did wonder was it anything to do with the mrsa. We were finally able to give Maddie her much needed feed and after that she settled down to sleep all content. Nick and I felt exhausted we had hardly eaten and had spent hours waiting and worrying but not knowing what was happening. While our little girl slept peacefully we nipped over to our accommodation to make ourselves something to eat and to take the weight off our feet for an hour! After our snack and quick rest bite we went back over to see Maddie who was still fast asleep (the days avents had worn her out!) we sat with her and talked amongst ourselves while our Little Lady was having sweet dreams. Maddie woke for another feed, we changed her nappy and put clean clothes on her, gave her a bottle, got her wind up and held her till she went back to sleep. At around 11pm we dragged ourselves back to our room where again sleep was hard to come by due to the day’s events and what we were facing again tomorrow. We hated the fact that our little girl had to go through surgery it filled us with dread all the risks that were involved! We prayed things would go well.

Nick and I were up early again and straight over to the ward to see our little girl. There was a small amount of snow on the ground! Maddie was fast asleep when we got there, we changed her nappy but Maddie wasn't for waking so instead of disturbing her more we decided to put her morning feed down her nasal gastric tube. The nurse who was looking after her gave us the news that the results for the mrsa were clear, Maddie no longer had it, which came as a surprise to us as she had never been treated for it! She also told us all being well Maddie would go down to theatre in the afternoon. We sat in Maddie's room while she slept and contemplated what was ahead for our little girl! Around 12pm we were given some water to put down Maddie's nasal gastric tube and were told Maddie would be going theatre around 2ish! At about 1pm the nurse came back with a gown that Maddie would need to wear to go to theatre and we were asked to put it on her, it was so tiny yet it was too big for Maddie but it was the smallest they had! At 2pm it was time for Maddie to go, only one of us could accompany Maddie to the anaesthetists room I carried her with Nick by my side up to the point only one of us could go any further. Nick gave Maddie a big kiss and cuddle and I continued the walk with our little girl down a long corridor where I was guided into a room at the bottom on the right. There were 4 people waiting in there for us and I was asked to lay Maddie down and leave her with them. Tears where streaming from my eyes and down my face as I cuddled her close, gave her a kiss and then lay her down telling her to be a big strong girl and Mummy and Daddy loved her so much. I asked the 4 people to look after her. Maddie was totally oblivious to all of this as she was still fast asleep! I was handed Maddie's blanket that had been wrapped round her and shown out of the room and back down the corridor to meet Nick at the other end. Nick and I just stood holding each other in tears. The time was now 2:10pm.
We were told that Maddie would go straight to the ICU Unit from theatre, so it wasn't too much of a shock for us it was suggested we be taken there to have a look so we knew what to expect. We were introduced to the nurse who was setting things up ready to receive Maddie and she pointed out what was what. After that all we had to do was wait and worry we went back over to our accommodation and tried to force some food down us to keep our strength up, then went back up to our room to wait for the phone call that would let us know when we could go back over. All we could think about was our little girl and prayed things were going well.
At 5:45pm the phone call finally came and we were asked to go over to the ICU Unit as the doctor wanted to speak to us! We rushed over not knowing what we were going to be told. When we got there Maddie was there she was on a ventilator, she had lines and cannulas in her. There were machines and she had her own nurse to monitor her 24 hours. The lady anaesthetist explained that the operation hadn't gone ahead because she had trouble putting lines into Maddie's arteries and veins (this was due to Maddie having lots of blood tests and drips when she was first born so her veins were not to good) she said Maddie would be allowed to stabilize overnight so as not to cause any increased risk to her health. All being well surgery would go ahead tomorrow (23rd) Again the delay made us anxious however Madison's safety was paramount and we accepted her decision.
We stayed with our Little Lady for hours just looking at her and talking to her. Maddie was drugged up so was unaware of anything. It was so hard to see our little girl like that we felt so helpless. When we finally tore ourselves away to try and get some sleep, it was gone 11pm. We got back to our room and again struggled to get any sleep, all we could think about was our little girl, what she was going through and what she still had to endure! I put Maddie's blanket on my pillow so I could smell her and Nick and I curled up hoping that tomorrow would bring better things.

Nick and I woke early once again and made our way over to the Intensive Care Unit to see our little girl. Maddie was still out of it as she was still heavily drugged up. The nurse who was looking after her told us all being well Maddie would go for her operation in the afternoon. (News we had heard so many times over the course of our stay there!) We stayed with Maddie, we were unable to pick her up and give her cuddles due to all the lines, tubes and the ventilator. However we made the best of our situation by talking to her, touching her skin, stroking her hair and giving her kisses. At 2:50pm it was time for Madison to go for surgery. Lots of different people turned up and started changing her stable machine (that monitored her heart, oxygen levels, blood pressure and temperature) for a mobile one and getting the machines that fed her painkillers ready to move so that the cot bed Maddie was on could be wheeled freely round to theatre. None of us was allowed to accompany Maddie this time, we gave her BIG kisses and told her how much we loved her and to be a big strong brave girl and Mummy and Daddy would see her very soon. All we could do was stand and watch as they wheeled our little girl out of ICU and off for surgery. Nick and I just stood there in tears completely helpless; again our little lady’s life was in someone else’s hands.
We slowly left the ICU and walked back over to our accommodation. All we had to do was wait and that was the hardest part not knowing how things were going. Nick made us something to eat though we hardly touched it. Off up to our room we went and waited for the phone call to give us the ok to go back over to the hospital.
At 7pm that phone call finally came! We raced over to the hospital and down the long corridors to the ICU department. Maddie was back from theatre (apparently she had been back an hour and they had spent that hour getting her settled back in ICU) what a relief to see our little lady. One of the doctors came over to explain that surgery had gone very well and they were happy with everything. There was slight concern over Maddie's left arm as it had gone quite blue and cold during the operation, as she had to have her arm in one position for quite some time during surgery (as the operation was performed on her left side under her arm) it was thought it was just a circulation problem. However to be sure they had a physiotherapist coming to look at it. A physiotherapist turned up and ruled out that there was anything to worry about regarding Maddie's arm and advised keeping it propped up on a rolled up towel over night. Also Maddie's right lung lobe had collapsed but they were not too concerned about this (this was expected with this type of surgery)
We were so relieved that things had gone well after days of torment of will she / won't she have the operation it had finally been done and gone very well. We prayed that Maddie would make a good recovery. We sat with her for what seemed like minutes when in fact it had been several hours and before we knew it the time was gone 11pm again! After both giving her kisses goodnight and telling her how much we loved her we dragged our heels away from ICU and back to our room. Nick made us both a cup of tea and we sat and reflected on the days and past few days’ events. We couldn't wait to get home with our little girl and be a family. We rang over to the ICU department just to check on our little lady (something we did every night before going to sleep) we were told she was fine and there was nothing to worry about. We went to sleep with hope in our hearts.

The start of another day. Nick and I woke, dressed and made our way over to see our little sweetie. We couldn't wait to get there and give her a good morning kiss. Maddie's face and body were quite puffy due to water retention because of her surgery. (We were told the puffiness would subside once Maddie started weeing) Maddie spent most of the day sleeping. She woke every now and then but was very drowsy and soon lapsed back into a deep sleep. During the brief times she would wake we would be in her view so that she knew Mummy and Daddy were there with her. Maddie's chest drain was removed and the morphine she was on was reduced to half the amount. Maddie managed to wee and poo! Which were both good signs, it helped the puffiness in Maddie's body to slowly start subsiding. The physiotherapist came to check on Maddie's arm again and was more than happy that everything was ok with it. Maddie was moving her arm about and all the colour was back in it. We stayed with Maddie all day apart from leaving to eat lunch and again to have some tea.
There wasn't much we could do for Maddie at that time all we could do was be there, talk to her and give her lots of kisses. When the time got to around 10pm we made the decision to walk back over to our accommodation to run a bath so we could try and unwind (sitting on hospital chairs for most of the day was not only uncomfortable but they gave you a numb bum!!!
After our bath we rang over to ICU to check on Little Lady to be told all was well and she was still sleeping. With that Nick and I settled down for the night and dreamt of life with our little girl outside of the hospital.

Nick and I slept in till 10:15am! This was unusual for us. We immediately jumped out of bed and started to get ready. Nick rang over to HDU to ask how our Little Lady was. He was told ‘she was fine, she had been a bit grumpy while being handled’. The staff nurse Nick spoke to also said that ‘Maddie would have been moved to the general ward that morning but 3 babies had already gone over, so Maddie would go across tomorrow instead when there would be more staff on’. Nick told the staff nurse we would be over to see Maddie within 20 minutes.

We arrived at HDU at around 10:45am, 2 nurses were changing Maddie’s bedding. All the puffiness in Maddie’s face and body had completely gone she was looking more like herself again, although a little pale. Again the staff nurse Kelly Black explained that Maddie was due to go to the general ward but because 3 other babies had already gone Maddie would go tomorrow. It was great news for us as once Maddie went back to the general ward from there she would be discharged home within a few days! Once Maddie’s bedding had been sorted out we were left with our little girl. I wanted so much to pick her up and hold her in my arms, again we settled for putting our hands in through the incubator Maddie was clearly excited that Mummy and Daddy were there. During the night Maddie had been started back on milk which was fed to her through her NG Tube. I noticed that the syringe was still attached to the NG Tube and propped up at the back of the incubator. I immediately questioned this practise as in the 10 weeks we had spent in hospital we had never seen this before! Kelly Black said ‘it helped with wind’ I still wasn’t completely happy as to me it didn’t seem right or hygienic! But as she was the nurse we were to trust she knew what she was doing. We stayed with Maddie holding her hands and stroking her head until she fell asleep. We gave her our ‘finger kisses’ and left her to sleep while we went and did some washing and had dinner back at the accommodation. The time was around 1pm.

We arrived back at HDU at about 3:45pm again there was 2 nurses seeing to Maddie’s bedding. As we went to wash our hands (normal procedure on every ward) I could hear Maddie crying! I quickly washed my hands and went straight over to see what was wrong. Maddie was clearly upset I asked the staff nurse Kelly Black what was wrong? Was Maddie in any pain? She replied Maddie may be a little uncomfortable due to her surgery and being slowly taken off painkillers or could be hungry because they were just starting to get her feeding established. Either of these were feasible explanations in the circumstances but being a mother you never feel comfortable seeing your child upset. We were told Maddie’s haemoglobin levels has dropped and they weren’t sure why but she would probably need a transfusion! The nurses finished changing Maddie’s bedding then started attending to the machines surrounding her. At that point I wondered when we would get some time on our own with our little girl. The line in Maddie’s groin was still as they call ‘back filtering’ it had been doing that when we had visited earlier that day. We were told it would have to be changed again! Kelly Black said ‘you do know she’s bleeding from her back?’ this was something we were NOT aware of and immediately became very concerned! We were told that an anaesthetist was due to come and have a look as the bleeding was around where the beta blocker was placed in Maddie’s back and as it hadn’t been used in 3 days they would probably take it out. I noticed there was more blood coming from Maddie’s back and after pointing this out a phone call was made to find out where the anaesthetist was. Within a couple of minutes after that phone call he arrived, looked at Maddie’s back and advised taking it out which the staff nurse and a doctor did. However after removing the beta blocker the wound wouldn’t stop bleeding and staff nurse Kelly Black was told to place a compact compress on it and leave it. Maddie was still very distressed at this time we did our very best to calm her as much as possible. She would calm and settle only to get upset again when being handled by staff! The syringe was still attached to Maddie’s NG Tube (as it had been earlier that day) Nick noticed a brown substance in the syringe and asked what it was. He was told by Kelly Black it was probably a bit of bile from her tummy, on closer inspection Nick realised it was actually blood not bile and pointed this out to Kelly Black who then said ‘oh yes we have a doctor coming to look at it!’ We weren’t happy at all we didn’t know what the hell was going on and each time we questioned anything we were led to believe there was nothing to worry about! A doctor came and looked at Maddie and told the staff to stop the aspirin, he did not appear concerned! Shortly after that the staff nurse took Maddie’s blood pressure, at first she couldn’t get a reading but when she did it was far too low! Charge Nurse Russell Ashworth commented and asked was that Maddie’s blood pressure to which Kelly Black replied ‘No’ but was clearly concerned about the reading as I remember her drumming her nails on top of the incubator! Then things started to go from bad to worse! Maddie’s oxygen levels dropped quite significantly several times! We questioned this and were told the measuring probe may not be picking up due to Maddie being upset! Then Maddie’s heart rate dropped a couple of times! Straight away we asked what was happening as Maddie had just had an operation to stop this from happening! Kelly Black tried to say the leads probably weren’t picking up but we knew very well ECG Leads just don’t stop picking up and I started to get annoyed with her. Then Maddie heart rate dropped to 50bpm and didn’t recover! Nick said to Kelly Black ‘We’ve had 10 weeks of hospitals and these machines and we know that brady has gone on too long!’ to which we got no response from her! Suddenly Madison went VERY calm and VERY pale (like a ghost) which upset us both and I began to cry! It was only at that point that any urgency was shown all of a sudden lots of people began to surround Maddie’s incubator and we were forced out to the side lines but could still clearly see everything that was going on! We were told they didn’t know what was wrong with Maddie, that they would have to take her back to ICU. People were swapping the stationary machines that were near her incubator for mobile ones ready to transfer her back to ICU. Before they could get Maddie back there she went into cardiac arrest and we watched in horror as CPR was performed on our precious little girl. An image that will stay with me for the rest of my life. We couldn’t believe what was happening Madison had been doing so well, we couldn’t understand what was wrong! CPR was successful and we were informed Maddie would have to be put back on a ventilator and would be given a drug to sedate her so she didn’t fight the ventilator being put down her throat! People were trying to avert our attention to what was going on but our eyes kept firmly on our little girl and all the frantic activity going on as they worked on her tiny body. They managed to stabilize Maddie and started to wheel her back to the ICU unit we were told they may have to open Maddie up to see what was wrong! We were taken to a room to wait while they got Maddie settled back into ICU and waited for someone to come for us which seemed like an eternity! When we were finally taken to see our little girl the chief anaesthetist said ‘they still didn’t know what was wrong they thought she might be bleeding internally and that they planned to do an exploratory operation. We were given a few minutes with Maddie she was drugged up and totally oblivious to what was going on. We gave her kisses and told her to be strong that we loved her so much. Then all hell broke lose Maddie’s condition deteriorated again and we were told they wouldn’t be able to wait to get her to theatre they would have to perform surgery there and then! The ICU ward was closed off to all visitors due to the seriousness of the situation. Our precious Little Lady was lay on a table fighting for her life and there was nothing we could do. Again we were ushered away and into a room were all we could do was wait! One of the nurses took details of our sisters phone numbers and proceeded to give them a call while in sat in our room and waited! After about 15-20 minutes the door opened and 3 people walked in they didn’t speak their faces said everything we knew we had lost her! Our little girl was gone. We asked to see her and were told they would clean her up then we could. Nick and I were left on our own for a further 5 minutes then back came the chief anaesthetist to say in the time they had been in to tell us the bad news a team had still be working on Maddie and had managed to get her back! I felt like my head would explode at any second! We were taken to see her tears were streaming down our faces we felt so helpless. We gave Maddie as many kisses as we could in the time we had, told her how much we loved her and to hang on in there. We saw one of her eyelids move as we talked to her. We were allowed 5 minutes with her before again being shown out so they could carry on with what they needed to do. This time we were taken to a bigger room and were offered countless jugs of water and boxes of tissues! Nick’s sister Louise and her husband Brendan arrived and we started to explain the day’s events to them. Then half an hour later my sister Miranda and her husband Ralph turned up and we went through the same course of events with them. Both our families found it so difficult to take in as they had been on the phone daily and knew how well Maddie had been doing after her surgery. We seemed to be waiting for hours. Finally Nick cracked and said he needed a cigarette! Nick and I had given up smoking and this came as a bit of a shock but with everything that was happening the stress was getting to us. After much debate as to whether we should or shouldn’t we went out into the hospital grounds and had a cigarette! The time was now around 9:45pm.

On our way back into the hospital and back up to the ICU ward I needed to use the toilet so we buzzed the ward to gain access I used the toilet while Nick waited then Nick said he would go and ask if Maddie was still holding on in there as we hadn’t heard anything for hours. I waited in the corridor and within seconds Nick returned and said we were both needed. We walked in and the chief anaesthetist came over to us and explained that Maddie had gone into cardiac arrest again and that she had no heart rhythm or blood pressure and they had been working for almost 5 hours to save her. He confirmed they were continuing to work on her. We walked over to where Maddie was and there was still a team busy working on her tiny body in vain. I remember the chest drain container full of blood and Maddie had lots of pins in her. She looked so lifeless. The doctor motioned for them to stop because their efforts were in vain, which is what they did. Nick and I were there with Maddie holding her hands when they stopped trying and the machine flat lined! Madison was confirmed dead at 10:10pm! Part of Mummy and Daddy died in the seconds that followed that time. Our world fell apart instantly. One of the nurses said she would clean Maddie up so we could hold her. People kept trying to get us to sit down but I didn’t want to, it was with a great struggle they managed to get me sat in a chair before I fell down! The chief anaesthetist knelt down next to me and said how sorry he was. Nick asked what had gone wrong as Maddie had been doing so well. He said ‘there had been a discrepancy with the prescription!’ At first we didn’t really take in what he said all we wanted was to hold our little girl. The nurse passed Madison to me and I felt my heart break in two. I held our little girl in my arms her lifeless body still warm. I just cried and cried. I gave Maddie to Nick so he could give her cuddles and kisses I will never forget the pain I saw in his eyes. We sat for over 2 hours holding our beautiful little girl then realising our sisters and their husbands were still unaware that Maddie was gone we lay Maddie back on the bed made her as comfy as we could and headed out of ICU and back to the room our family was waiting in. As we walked in the door Nick gave them the dreadful news. They were inconsolable just like us! We asked our family if they wanted to see Maddie, which they did so we asked the nursing staff if they would bring Maddie to us. Our sisters held, kissed and cuddled Madison they were absolutely devastated, we all were. The nurse came back 15 minutes later for Maddie and said she would take care of her while the chief anaesthetist came in to try and explain what happened, he brought a bereavement officer with him Brian and sat down and told us Madison had been given a 10 fold overdose of Heparin Maddie had been given 15,000 units instead of 1,500!  He said he had called the police. My ears started ringing I couldn’t believe what we were being told our little girl had died and it was down to her being given an overdose!!!! Other people were responsible for our daughters death, this was avoidable, this shouldn’t have happened. Nick asked would she have been in any pain to which we NEVER got an answer! My sister Miranda was furious at his silence and told him so. We asked him to leave as he was making things worse by just being there. Not long after a policeman arrived to introduce himself to us and pick the evidence up. After sitting with our family for a while trying to make some sense of what we had been told we were asked did we want to take Madison over to the bereavement suite an offer we immediately took up. We put our coats on the nurse brought Madison and gave her to me and we all started what felt like the longest walk of our lives through the corridors of the hospital, down in the lift, out of the back entrance and over to the bereavement suite. Arriving at the doors we were met by the bereavement officer Brian we had been introduced to earlier he showed us through to a room where there was an empty moses basket waiting. Our families gave Maddie BIG kisses and left Nick and I alone with her. We cuddled Maddie close before laying her down and wrapping her up to keep her warm. We stayed with Maddie for some time we couldn’t bear to leave her. We talked to her and told her how sorry we were. We cried so many tears. There came a point when we made the decision to leave her to get some rest we placed Doggy and Bunny (her teddies that had been with her all through her short life) in the basket one either side of her to keep her company. After kissing her Goodnight and telling her we loved her very much we left our little girl to rest. Our family were waiting for us in the waiting room area there were more tears it was awful! We all headed out back into the cold early morning air by this time it was 4am! We walked back towards our accommodation where we said our goodbyes to our families; we had hugs and kisses, thanked them for being there and told them to have safe journeys home with that we parted company. They headed off to there vehicles in the car park while Nick and I went up to our room.

We sat in our room and just cried in each other’s arms. We had witnessed so much over the past 12 hours images that will haunt us for the rest of our lives. Our hearts were now broken, our souls torn apart, life as we once knew it would NEVER be the same again. We climbed into bed and got under the covers still wearing the clothes we had, had on all day. Maddie’s blanket was still on my pillow (the one she had been wrapped in when I had carried her down to the anaesthetists room to be made ready for theatre) I placed Maddie’s dummy on the side unit next to our bed. Nick and I lay in bed cuddled up and cried ourselves to sleep.

We had started the day off with so much hope and a wonderful future to look forward to with our little girl. We now faced the worst nightmare any parent should have to deal with, life without the most important person in our lives our beautiful daughter Madison Emily Perry.

In the first week to follow Madison’s death Nick and I stayed at the accommodation as we wanted to be near Maddie and as the police had been brought in to investigate her death we needed to be around to speak to them and find out what was going on. We tried to sleep most of our days away as we had gone from ‘Not enough hours in the day to too many!’ There was no reason to get out of bed anymore. The pain and hurt Nick and I were both feeling was unbearable.
We went to visit Maddie 3 times at the bereavement suite that week, the first 2 times (27^th and 28^th) a police officer had to be present as Maddie was now evidence!!! It was awful we couldn’t have any privacy with our little girl! We choked back tears as we talked to Maddie telling her how much Mummy and Daddy loved her and we were so very sorry this had happened. Maddie was now cold to the touch but that didn’t stop us giving her lots of kisses and touching and stroking her skin. Maddie still had her NG Tube in her nose and the end of the ventilator tube was still taped to her mouth; neither of these would be removed until after the Post Mortem (PM)! Doggy and Bunny were still with her keeping her company. Fred and Helen friends and neighbours of ours came up to see us on the Monday (28^th) they came with us to visit Maddie, Fred said a prayer and commended her to God. (Fred had blessed Maddie when she was born)

We were told Madison would undergo a Post Mortem (PM) at 6pm on the 28^th as that evening drew near we sat waiting in our room for a phone call from the police. The phone call came around 9pm to say it had been carried out.

The police phoned and called by the accommodation regularly to update us with what was happening. They said that Maddie would need a 2^nd PM (for the defence) this upset us greatly. Our little girl had been through so much in life and now in death she still had to go through such ordeals! We were told that by 9am Thursday (3^rd March) we would know for definite whether the 2^nd PM would go ahead.

Our bereavement officer was becoming quite concerned for our health and well-being. We looked awful, felt dreadful and hid ourselves away in our room. We were living on chicken & mushroom pot noodles and ginger nut biscuits! We didn’t want anything but forced it down us so at least we had some strength to make the journey over to the bereavement suite to see our Little Lady. We were actually starting to lose the will to live. It was horrendous, our precious little girl was gone and there was nothing we could do about it, all we wanted was her back with us. All our hopes and dreams had been snatched away from us in the blink of an eye.

Our families visited us during that week. My sister Miranda and her husband Ralph brought my mum with them to see us. They brought us fresh supplies of ginger nuts! Nicks sister Louise and her husband Brendan came down with some bits we had asked them to pick up from our house for us. They were all so very supportive.

Thursday came and the police informed us that a 2^nd PM was wanted! We asked when it would take place they said they would come back to us with an answer. Later that day we were told it could take up to 28 days before another PM to go ahead as there were several people they had to bring together all at the same time and this is what would cause the delay! We spent the rest of the evening crying just as we had all that week.